Beginning of the end...

This post feels like the last chapter of "Lord of the Rings".  You know, when the hobbits have defeated the forces of evil and they all pack up and go home?  It is just as long a journey over the Misty Mountains and whatnot, but it all gets skimmed over pretty quickly on the way back because the story is finished really.  There's a bit of a subplot with Saruman in the Shire, in the book at least: Peter Jackson, more recently known for padding out a short book into three long films, even cuts that bit out in his final edit, much to Christopher Lee's chagrin.

That's what this week has been really, a long journey home which I want to skim over as quickly as possible (and obviously I'll be annoyed if I get home to find a Saruman-like figure has taken over my house).  Here's the edited highlights:

Sunday: 8 hour train journey to Boston.  Sat next to a man who was barely able to walk due to medical negligence; he was unable to sue his doctors because the hospital was a charity and apparently you can't sue charities for more than a certain amount in the USA.  Went to a very high church Advent Carol Service that evening, pleasant enough music but needed more drums and flags.  I managed to resist the urge to stick my hands in the air during "Lo, he comes".  Saw Cheers bar.

Monday: Worked in Boston office.  Didn't see much of Boston, there wasn't time.  I would have liked to have gone to the famous tea party as I am gasping for a decent cuppa, but I don't think they do them now they've gone all independent.  Their loss.

Tuesday: Travelled to New Haven Connecticut.  Met a client for a drink and a chat.  Travelling through New England the song going through my head was of course "New England" by Kirsty McColl.  When the phone didn't ring, I knew it wasn't you...  Travelled on to New York and met a feisty old lady from Yonkers on the train (who sounds like she ought to be in a limerick with house chestnuts).  Had Kosher Pizza for tea in a room where almost everybody else wore a black homburg (very nice).

Wednesday: did New York in a day.  Walked the High-line, travelled on the Staten Island ferry, saw the Statue of Liberty, visited Ground Zero, rode the subway, cycled in Central Park.  Then caught the train to New Jersey where I now am: yet another hotel, serving same old food, charging through nose for Wi-Fi.  Surprisingly the song in my head today was never Frank Sinatra, I must have got him out of my system in Chicago.  No, it was a combination of (1) Ella Fitzgerald turning Manhattan into an isle of joy (she was clearly never accosted by a man dressed as Mickey Mouse whilst fighting through crowds of shoppers), (2) Lullaby of Broadway (didn't seem particularly soothing to me, mind), (3) Billy Joel singing about the Staten Island Ferry on the Cold Spring Harbor album and mainly (4) I'm leaving tomorrow by Jimmy Somerville (not, as my daughter once did, to be confused with Jimmy Saville).  In the absence of a map or a decent sense of direction I also clung to a musical mantra "the Bronx is up and the Battery's down". 

Ground Zero (or the 9/11 Memorial) is worth a mention.  The site is not finished yet, so there is a lot of fencing and scaffolding around parts of it, and access to the memorial itself is via a lengthy security screening process, not unlike airport check-in.  The Memorial consists of two square pools of cascading water, each the size and shape of one of the original two towers  (nothing to do with Lord of the Rings this time, please keep up).  The sheer scale of it is impressive, and the shockingly high number of names carved around the sides of the pools really brings home the scale of the tragedy.  So I was genuinely moved, and yet at the same time I didn't like the place much.  You may think I have no business forming such an opinion, and you may be right, but to me it seems odd to commemorate people who fell to their deaths from such a great height with a cascading water feature, especially when the water falls with quite some force into the pool, and when each pool is continuously pouring water down a great central opening that gives the impression of being bottomless.  It was like a giant plug hole sucking all the water down, which frankly gave me the chills.  I don't think it's a comforting place for grieving relatives to visit, more like the set for a modern production of Don Giovanni.

So I really am leaving tomorrow, as the song says, I've had all I can take.  Meeting more colleagues in our New Jersey office tomorrow morning and then catching a plane.  Here are some final thoughts on America then:

(1) I still don't know why they all wear vests.

(2) I never want to see non-dairy creamer ever again.  Of all the food horrors here (and there are many) it is one of the worst.  Incidentally, here on the east coast they say "skim milk", but in California always seem to say "fat free".  In neither place do they make it available in hotel rooms!

(3) I've decided that my favourite Americanism is "drip coffee" - it is succinct and readily understood, we should adopt it in the UK.

(4) I realised this week that I cannot remember a time when I didn't know that the World Dryer Corporation was based in Berkeley Illinois.  I have obviously been reading whilst drying my hands all my life.  I still prefer Dysons.

(5) The sound of African American women arguing is one of the least attractive sounds in the world.  Lord knows why it seems to feature on Daytime TV so much in the UK. 

(6) Apparently the reason the Americans have not adopted chip and pin technology is down to the banks who are afraid it will discourage use of credit cards which would mean less profit for them.  Instead retailers require a signature which is never ever checked against the card itself.

(7) I now have a preferred bedroom temperature - it is precisely 66 degrees Fahrenheit.

Open letter to the guys who run these hotel chains:

I thought you would appreciate some feedback, so here are my modest requirements for a hotel.

(1) Comfortable bed with feather pillows (or a choice of pillows including feather).   Duvet not blankets, no top sheet (just change the duvet cover for each guest).  I need to regulate my temperature by sticking a foot out.

(2) TV should have instructions and some kind of guide so you can tell what is on.  Include a wide range of good channels, not just the free rubbish ones.

(3) Coffee making facilities should come as standard.  A kettle and teabags would be even better, but only if you can get good teabags (imported from UK).

(4) I want proper keys with proper locks, each attached to a large leather tag with a number and the hotel's address so they can be posted back if left behind, just like we had in the seventies.  Plastic key cards should be avoided, particularly if they are likely to unprogram themselves if they are put in a pocket with a mobile phone.  How sophisticated do you expect us to be at maintaining complete mobile phone separation throughout the day?  It would be nice to stay in an hotel for once without having to go down to reception to have my key card redone.  (And any door entry system that gives the guest an electric shock every time the door is locked?  Not good.  You know who you are.)

(5) Minibars should be half full at most: this is because I won't ever drink anything from it (it was drilled into me from such a young age that I should never touch the minibar in hotel rooms that it is now completely taboo for me, along with using the telephone).  It is also to leave room in the fridge for any milk or other foods I want to store there so I can avoid paying full price in the restaurant.  Come to think of it - you should be providing the milk, sachets of non-dairy creamer may be acceptable for Americans, but some of us have standards.  "Half and half" sounds like a compromise, because it is.

(6) Wifi should just be free, even the fast speeds.  I don't expect to pay extra for hot water or bed sheets, nor should I pay for WiFi, this is the twenty-first century.  Pricing structures should not be based on that innkeeper from Les Mis.  It's funny on stage, but not in real life.

(7) There should be at least two accessible sockets for charging phones and computers.  See earlier comments about the century we are living in.  Rummaging behind the TV is not acceptable.  Note also that if you are going to provide an iron (and you should) there needs to be a socket for it, preferably near where the ironing board is kept.

(8) Useless decorative bed cushions.  Surely you could check the sex of the people making reservations and instruct housekeeping to only put these out for women?  Men don't like them, fact.  They only have to be dumped on the floor before the bed can be used.

(9) There should be a strong overhead light which is easily switched on and off from the bed.  Yes, subtle lighting is all very well, lamps and illuminated headboards and what have you, but when it is time to pack up and go we need to be able to see clearly that we haven't left a pair of pants behind.

(10) We need a return to the days when every hotel room had a desk drawer of stationary.  Not because we are going to write letters, but because the envelopes are handy for keeping receipts in for when we do our expense claims back home.

(Long) Weekend 13: Mr Jones goes to Washington

The only city in America which I had visited prior to this year's trip was Washington DC, when I came for a conference last year.  So I already knew. I liked it, which is one of the reasons I came back here for the long Thanksgiving holiday weekend.

I realise I am starting to divide America into places I like and places I don't, on the basis of very short visits and first impressions.  Perhaps I am turning into my mother who famously while cruising dismissed an entire country (I think it was Vietnam) as not worth a visit after visiting it for about 6 hours. I shall try to avoid too many snap judgements.

Anyway Washington was definitely on the favoured list, and I was looking forward to three days visiting some of the sights I hadn't been to previously.  I'd already seen the White House (smaller than you think), the Lincoln Memorial (bigger than you think) and walked the Mall taking in the National Museum of the American Indian (very interesting).  So this time I decided to focus on things I hadn't seen before.

My first stop had to be a laundry: two weeks of travel with just one suitcase had always meant I would run out of underpants around now.  Having phoned to check they were open on Thanksgiving, I caught the Metro out to a laundry offering a "wash and fold" service and left my clothes before catching a different train to Arlington cemetery (which I am going to post about separately).

I love the Washington metro.  All the stations consist of large single "caverns" with high vaulted ceilings, curved like hobbit holes built of concrete blocks, and within these caverns run two or sometimes three levels of trains and platforms on overlapping mezzanines.  It all feels beautifully open.  The ticketing system is slightly confusing, and potentially unfriendly to foreigners (once again the machines required a US billing address zip code before they would accept a credit card), but with a bit of effort I mastered it.

I visited some of the monuments I had never made it to previously: the Martin Luther King Jr.  memorial, and the impressive FDR Memorial, which consists of a mini landscaped sculpture park marking many of the great man's achievements.  I also visited the Museum of American History, and saw the original "Star Spangled Banner", the very flag which inspired the National Anthem by surviving the British attack on Baltimore in 1814.

So what can I say about Washington DC?

(1) Franklin D Roosevelt's achievements are celebrated as part of history, but I cannot imagine that any president could get elected on the basis of his politics today.  I am sure the Tea Party Republicans would call him a socialist, would probably try to use the fact he was in a wheelchair against him, would bring the government to a standstill rather than allow him to use public money to combat poverty and unemployment as he did in the 1930s.  It is strange to see statutes of homeless people as part of the FDR memorial when the homeless people on the street of Washington DC today seem much worse off.  It feels like modern America wants to believe that the war on extreme poverty has been won, that this victory is one of its historic achievements, but maintains this aspect of its mythology by ignoring what is going on now.

 (2) Nevertheless, it is hard not to be impressed here by what the USA has become in a relatively short space of time.  Sometimes the British mock the Americans for their "lack of history", however I actually quite envy their discrete and relatively uncomplex origins story, it means it can be presented in a way that people can understand and feel part of, and it can be pretty moving too.  I was impressed by the original flag that inspired the poem, "the Star-Spangled Banner" (the tune being an old  English one).  The museum even made a virtue out of the fact that "every generation reinterprets the anthem in its own style", which is a far more charitable view of the phenomenon which I have previously observed and commented on.

(3) The American museum was quite selective in what it said about Britain.  For instance we were mentioned quite extensively when we were the bad guys, but elsewhere we were subtly glossed over.  For example, a display on modern American culture mentioned Archie Bunker as an iconic TV character in a show that tackled prejudice head-on, without mentioning that it was a rip-off of our own Alf Garnett.  And the discovery of DNA was apparently down to a US scientist without mention of his UK collaborators or Cambridge university.

(4) I learned that Lincoln's famous "emancipation proclamation" only freed the slaves in those southern states which had seceded, but there were in fact three states which remained part of the Union where slavery remained until after the Civil War was won.  The African American section of the museum was particularly interesting, and there is a new museum of African American history being built at the moment.